The countdown is on there are 3 weeks until I go to Melbourne and record my songs Rise and Princess Heart.

Yeah!

I am feeling so excited and nervous, this is a pinch me moment, a dream that I have always wanted to do.

I have been to a recording studio before, but this time it is next level. This time it is different.

Do I know what I am doing?

No, but that is okay, I will have my music mentor with me to help.

It’s an adventure.

A few weeks ago, I received the piano track for my song and oh my goodness it is so beautiful and yes it made me cry.

I have four different versions and I need to decide which one to record. It is really difficult.

I have wanted both songs to be acoustic, so we are having for Rise piano and guitar.

For Princess Heart we are having just the guitar.

I am wanting to learn and understand the process of recording.

We have three full days in the recording studio.

Check list for now is-

• Flights are booked
• Deposits are paid
• Musicians are booked
• Piano track is done.

There is still more to be done.

I am choosing to embrace the process.

The next few weeks I will be working on singing the songs and working out how to structure the words and feelings.

I’m gonna rise……………………..

Will share more soon.

I am still on my gym journey and loving the process. I am learning so much.

Years ago, my thoughts about exercise were do as much cardio as you can and eat very little.

I thought that you had to do cardio for at least one hour a day, seven days a week.

Now I know that I want to build, I want to be strong and to do this I have to eat.

I am so grateful for my coach who is there to guide me and to challenge me (in a good way).

I have been on this journey from 11^th of May 2023 and I do not plan to stop.

We are working towards a competition next year, I don’t know when yet. I am just focusing on one day at a time.

I am still going to the gym 5 mornings a week from 5.45 am.

My alarm goes of at 4.15 am and I just get up, I don’t have those thoughts of do I want to go to the gym.

No, I get up and it is a huge part of my daily routine.

I am learning a lot about trusting the process and trusting my coach.

This is something that I have not done before and it is all new.

I love learning, I really do.

I am enjoying the whole experience, well probably not some of the injuries if I am being honest.

We have been working through them and I haven’t stopped my commitment to this journey. I also have a great physio, thank goodness.

The weekends are my rest days and I am okay with that.

I will share more soon.

I have been on long service leave for about two weeks now and I have been really focusing on some creative projects.

I just love the space to create.

Yes, I am still continuing on my gym journey, which I am loving.

I have had a PT session with my trainer, where I am always learning new things and challenging myself every time that I am at the gym.

I have decided for these holidays that I am going to focus on being creative and have that space to be creative.

I have been learning guitar and I have an amazing guitar teacher who is just so encouraging.  

I have also signed up for a songwriting workshop in Melbourne, which I am so looking forward to.

I have always wanted to go. The workshop in is October this year and it is with my music mentor. I cannot wait to go.

I am also working o a journal for women.

The time has also allowed me to find songs that I had written and work on them.

I will also be working on writing some new songs.

I am have also signed up for singing lessons with my singing teacher, once a week for 5 weeks which I am really looking forward to.

There is a lot to be grateful for at this time.

The space has let me take time to learn new songs to sing and perform.

I am also taking this time to reset and to slow down.

I am taking the time to drink my coffee slowly.

I am taking time to singing out loud.

I have three more weeks left of holidays after this week and I cannot wait to see what happens.

I will share more soon.

Trust the process is a saying that I have been using a lot lately in my journey.

It helps me to remember that you may not notice the changes day to day but over time you will.

It helps me to remember to just keep going and see what happens.

It helps me to remember that things that are important to you takes time.

It helps me to remember to just keep focusing on what I need to do for now.

This made me think about my journey of recovery from an eating disorder.

Had I made the connection that things take time, I might have been kinder to myself in the process.

I had to realise that recovery is not a straight line it is linear and has challenges.

I had to remember that, that is okay and I wasn’t a failure when my journey didn’t look like someone else’s.

Or, that someone spent less time in hospital then I did.

How I thought I would recover was not how my journey went.

I did not have that focus when I was in the hospital I was just focusing on minute by minute.

I couldn’t even imagine myself well at that time and what I would look and feel like.

I couldn’t imagine living a full life.

I was not trusting the process.

I did not realise that it was a journey.

Trusting the process was hard.

I found trust difficult when I was in hospital and it took a few attempts and a lot of tears to find the right professional for my recovery.

When you have that trust and you realise that someone sees you as a person and not the illness then slowly trust begins.

I have realised that for me, to trust the process I need someone who is nurturing and caring.

I realised I did not need someone that was clinical and head theory.

When I am trusting the process, I need to be surrounded by nurturing and caring people.

This is what works for me.

Finding someone that is cheering you on is so very important.

Who is cheering you on?

It takes time and it will be so worth it.

Will share more soon.

I did a thing last month and enrolled in a singing performance workshop.

I did one last year and I loved it.

What happens in the workshops is that you choose a song and sing it. You are also videoed and then the other people there give you feedback about your performance. You have to think about the words of the songs, what does it mean to you, why you chose it and the feelings.

Even though I did it last year, I still had those nerves.

I didn’t know who would be there and if I would remember the words.

Last Monday was the first night and I arrived and was greeted by my singing teacher who runs it. It was lovely to see her.

There were also people who attended last year and it was great to see them again.

The song I sang was Nothing Compares to You.

We get to sing the song two times.

After we sing the first time we listen to the constructive feedback and how we can improve the song.

It could be little changes like using the mic stand or not using it, it could be sitting down to sing or it could be putting more feelings in the song.

The second time I sang I just thought about what the song was about and just sang it. The song for me was sadness.

I love to sing and I am so hard on myself.

I am thinking will I remember the words, will I come in on time, will I remember the timing, will I be able to sing how I practiced at home or is my outfit see through.

I guess when things are important to us, we want to do well.

I want to get to the stage where I am in the moment just singing the song and not having all the negative thoughts bombard my experience.

I want to get to the stage where it is okay to muck up the song and be okay about it.

I want to be real on stage.

I am so looking forward to the next few weeks, yes, I am still feeling the nerves.

My words for the year are courage and creativity.

So, this is what I am doing stepping out with courage and being creative.

I may be shaking a bit but I am going to do this with courage.

I will share more soon.

This week I had a session with my PT (trainer) and it was a leg session and yes it was difficult. We worked on technique and form.

I spoke with him about working toward a show and we have a goal now for next May.

So, for now there is no cardio, for the moment and we are now building muscle.

What does that mean, I will need to increase food and just focus on weight training.

I did say to him so I won’t get to make friends with the Stairmaster?

He said you will never make friends with it.

I tried.

I had been doing 20 minutes at level 9, 3 times a week.

Yes, the Stairmaster is challenging and just hard.

We will add in cardio later. So, we may get to be friends.

I look at the photo that is with this blog and I am reminded of where I have come from.

I am a woman who –

• started doing the gym for her mental health
• is looking after herself
• is investing in herself
• is caring for herself
• is realising that she is worthy
• wakes up at 4.30 am and is at the gym around 5.45 am
• meal preps
• organises what she needs for the week.

I have found out that I am loving the challenge of learning new things.

I am also learning to trust the process.

This is a huge thing to learn, you won’t see the development every day, but what you are doing is making the difference.

This would be the opposite of how I thought going to the gym would look and feel like.

I have to be patient with myself, it is about showing up.

I started the gym last year on May 11^th  2023 and my Gymiversary is close. It has nearly been one year, which I am very grateful for.

I will celebrate that day, it is marked in my planner of the day I made a decision.

It is the decision that helped me and has encouraged me.

I cannot wait to see what happens in the next few months.

I will share more soon.