I am still on my gym journey and loving the process. I am learning so much.

Years ago, my thoughts about exercise were do as much cardio as you can and eat very little.

I thought that you had to do cardio for at least one hour a day, seven days a week.

Now I know that I want to build, I want to be strong and to do this I have to eat.

I am so grateful for my coach who is there to guide me and to challenge me (in a good way).

I have been on this journey from 11^th of May 2023 and I do not plan to stop.

We are working towards a competition next year, I don’t know when yet. I am just focusing on one day at a time.

I am still going to the gym 5 mornings a week from 5.45 am.

My alarm goes of at 4.15 am and I just get up, I don’t have those thoughts of do I want to go to the gym.

No, I get up and it is a huge part of my daily routine.

I am learning a lot about trusting the process and trusting my coach.

This is something that I have not done before and it is all new.

I love learning, I really do.

I am enjoying the whole experience, well probably not some of the injuries if I am being honest.

We have been working through them and I haven’t stopped my commitment to this journey. I also have a great physio, thank goodness.

The weekends are my rest days and I am okay with that.

I will share more soon.

I have been on long service leave for about two weeks now and I have been really focusing on some creative projects.

I just love the space to create.

Yes, I am still continuing on my gym journey, which I am loving.

I have had a PT session with my trainer, where I am always learning new things and challenging myself every time that I am at the gym.

I have decided for these holidays that I am going to focus on being creative and have that space to be creative.

I have been learning guitar and I have an amazing guitar teacher who is just so encouraging.  

I have also signed up for a songwriting workshop in Melbourne, which I am so looking forward to.

I have always wanted to go. The workshop in is October this year and it is with my music mentor. I cannot wait to go.

I am also working o a journal for women.

The time has also allowed me to find songs that I had written and work on them.

I will also be working on writing some new songs.

I am have also signed up for singing lessons with my singing teacher, once a week for 5 weeks which I am really looking forward to.

There is a lot to be grateful for at this time.

The space has let me take time to learn new songs to sing and perform.

I am also taking this time to reset and to slow down.

I am taking the time to drink my coffee slowly.

I am taking time to singing out loud.

I have three more weeks left of holidays after this week and I cannot wait to see what happens.

I will share more soon.

Trust the process is a saying that I have been using a lot lately in my journey.

It helps me to remember that you may not notice the changes day to day but over time you will.

It helps me to remember to just keep going and see what happens.

It helps me to remember that things that are important to you takes time.

It helps me to remember to just keep focusing on what I need to do for now.

This made me think about my journey of recovery from an eating disorder.

Had I made the connection that things take time, I might have been kinder to myself in the process.

I had to realise that recovery is not a straight line it is linear and has challenges.

I had to remember that, that is okay and I wasn’t a failure when my journey didn’t look like someone else’s.

Or, that someone spent less time in hospital then I did.

How I thought I would recover was not how my journey went.

I did not have that focus when I was in the hospital I was just focusing on minute by minute.

I couldn’t even imagine myself well at that time and what I would look and feel like.

I couldn’t imagine living a full life.

I was not trusting the process.

I did not realise that it was a journey.

Trusting the process was hard.

I found trust difficult when I was in hospital and it took a few attempts and a lot of tears to find the right professional for my recovery.

When you have that trust and you realise that someone sees you as a person and not the illness then slowly trust begins.

I have realised that for me, to trust the process I need someone who is nurturing and caring.

I realised I did not need someone that was clinical and head theory.

When I am trusting the process, I need to be surrounded by nurturing and caring people.

This is what works for me.

Finding someone that is cheering you on is so very important.

Who is cheering you on?

It takes time and it will be so worth it.

Will share more soon.

I did a thing last month and enrolled in a singing performance workshop.

I did one last year and I loved it.

What happens in the workshops is that you choose a song and sing it. You are also videoed and then the other people there give you feedback about your performance. You have to think about the words of the songs, what does it mean to you, why you chose it and the feelings.

Even though I did it last year, I still had those nerves.

I didn’t know who would be there and if I would remember the words.

Last Monday was the first night and I arrived and was greeted by my singing teacher who runs it. It was lovely to see her.

There were also people who attended last year and it was great to see them again.

The song I sang was Nothing Compares to You.

We get to sing the song two times.

After we sing the first time we listen to the constructive feedback and how we can improve the song.

It could be little changes like using the mic stand or not using it, it could be sitting down to sing or it could be putting more feelings in the song.

The second time I sang I just thought about what the song was about and just sang it. The song for me was sadness.

I love to sing and I am so hard on myself.

I am thinking will I remember the words, will I come in on time, will I remember the timing, will I be able to sing how I practiced at home or is my outfit see through.

I guess when things are important to us, we want to do well.

I want to get to the stage where I am in the moment just singing the song and not having all the negative thoughts bombard my experience.

I want to get to the stage where it is okay to muck up the song and be okay about it.

I want to be real on stage.

I am so looking forward to the next few weeks, yes, I am still feeling the nerves.

My words for the year are courage and creativity.

So, this is what I am doing stepping out with courage and being creative.

I may be shaking a bit but I am going to do this with courage.

I will share more soon.

This week I had a session with my PT (trainer) and it was a leg session and yes it was difficult. We worked on technique and form.

I spoke with him about working toward a show and we have a goal now for next May.

So, for now there is no cardio, for the moment and we are now building muscle.

What does that mean, I will need to increase food and just focus on weight training.

I did say to him so I won’t get to make friends with the Stairmaster?

He said you will never make friends with it.

I tried.

I had been doing 20 minutes at level 9, 3 times a week.

Yes, the Stairmaster is challenging and just hard.

We will add in cardio later. So, we may get to be friends.

I look at the photo that is with this blog and I am reminded of where I have come from.

I am a woman who –

• started doing the gym for her mental health
• is looking after herself
• is investing in herself
• is caring for herself
• is realising that she is worthy
• wakes up at 4.30 am and is at the gym around 5.45 am
• meal preps
• organises what she needs for the week.

I have found out that I am loving the challenge of learning new things.

I am also learning to trust the process.

This is a huge thing to learn, you won’t see the development every day, but what you are doing is making the difference.

This would be the opposite of how I thought going to the gym would look and feel like.

I have to be patient with myself, it is about showing up.

I started the gym last year on May 11^th  2023 and my Gymiversary is close. It has nearly been one year, which I am very grateful for.

I will celebrate that day, it is marked in my planner of the day I made a decision.

It is the decision that helped me and has encouraged me.

I cannot wait to see what happens in the next few months.

I will share more soon.

It is school holidays and on Tuesday this week I had someone come and stay with me for 4 nights and 5 days.

Yes, it was my youngest niece.

I love spending time with her and we do have lots of fun, maybe not that much sleep but lots of fun.

She likes to make an agenda for everyday that she would like to do.

We don’t always get to complete the list but they are fun.

We started out on Wednesday morning going to Kmart.

We set of at 8 am, I know early but that is okay.

We were driving done the highway when I noticed that the truck next to me had bags of, I am guessing hay and some hay bales.

I then saw that two of the bags fell of right next to me and I drove over whatever was in the bags.

I screamed, my niece laughed and then I pulled over to the side.

I got out and there was so much hay blowing around us.

The guy who was driving the truck did stop and came over to see if we were okay.

I got his contact details just in case anything happened with my car later.

He wasn’t happy, I was shaking and thankfully we were okay.

He said to me it was just chaff.

I at the time did not know what were in the bags as I drove over them.

Well then, I calmed down and we got back onto the road for our next adventure.

After that I did need to have a coffee, so that is was we did.

We then went to Kmart, were my niece loves the skin care dupes there.

It was fun shopping with her and seeing what she was interested in.

We had a little haul and I brought some things for school as well.

Well, that was Wednesday’s adventure.

We spent the next few days, being creative, listening to music, playing games, watching TV, laughing, eating, shopping for snacks, dancing in the rain and having fun.

I love spending time with her and creating memories.

I am grateful that she loves spending time with me as well.

Now I am sitting here at home and it is a little quieter, I also have the TV remote to myself.

I can’t wait to see what will happen on our next adventure.

Will share more soon.

This year I have also decided that it is the year for setting goals and achieving goals.

As you know the last few weeks, I have been deep cleaning my house.

Yes, every weekend I choose a room clean, sort and organise that room.

I have really enjoyed it.

I have finished my house now and I love it.

It was a process and the goal was met.

I also had a cleanout at both of my offices where I work.

I don’t know about you but sorting through items and then donating those items that I now longer need has been very satisfising.

I have love it.

I do have some paperwork that I need to sort and that will be achieved.

This weekend I have been able to focus on achieving and planning for new goals.

Some of my goals for the next few months are-

• Learning the songs that I have chosen for open mic
• Make a time to go to an open mic
• Continue my studying and work on module 5 (I would really like to finish it by next month)
• Write for publications

I think it is about being brave and having a go.

I would love to hear some of your goals for the next few months.

Let’s encourage each other on and see what happens.

I will share more soon.

Tracey Buckley