Writing this book is really difficult, it means going through my old journals and reliving in a way the dark times. Yes it was a very dark time in my life.
I am going to have to pace myself because I have moved on and my life has changed.
I also have to be careful that what I am reading is not going to trigger anything for me as well.
I want to write this book, I need to write this book, I want this to be a book of hope and that recovery is possible.
When you have Anorexia, you feel that you do not deserve anything. You just feel that you don’t get to have anything nice, you deny yourself things. This was my experience.
I had an amazing Doctor and yes he was an answer to prayer.
I was talking to him one day when I was in hospital I was talking about shoes. It was a very in depth conversation really, between a girl and her Doctor.
He said to me that my prescription was to buy the shoes.
He wanted me to go out and buy the shoes.
I was shocked what Doctor tells you that you have a prescription to buy shoes?
What a strange prescription, he was actually challenging my thought patterns and encouraging me that I did deserve to have nice things.
So after my chat with him I went and spoke to some of the girls that I was in hospital with, and I said my Doctor just gave me a prescription to go out and buy new shoes. I know that I was in shock and they were a bit shocked and said we want that Doctor.
So the challenge was set and because my Doctor saw me as a person and not the illness I did buy a pair of shoes.
When I saw him again he asked me if I had brought the new shoes.
My answer was yes. It was the first time that I had brought something for me that I liked that was pretty and feminine.
This was the first stage of discovering who I was without the illness. It may not seem that big of a deal, but for me it was an important part of my recovery.
I love shoes now I really do. I probably have a bit of a shoes addiction to be honest. It’s all good though.
I am okay with that.
I am so grateful for a doctor who saw me and not the illness.
Will share more soon.
Going out to buy some more shoes.