The Scales

The Scales

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The Scale will never rule my life again.

Do you have a scale at home that you weigh yourself on?

If you do throw it out. Wow that is such a radical thought.

At first, I wanted the comfort of the scales I wanted to know that they were in my house and that I had access to them anytime I wanted. In a way they had complete control over me and they dictated to me whether I would have a good day or a bad day depending on what they said.

Oh, my goodness looking back now I cannot believe that I let something so insignificant have control over my life. How could scales tell you how to feel that can’t even talk. They cannot say Hello Tracey how are you this morning stand on me and I will tell you what sort of day you are going to have. Well going by that number your day is going to be horrible.

Can they?

I cannot believe how much power I gave them.

We all need to reclaim the power back from them. No object should tell us how we are feeling or what our day is going to look like.

No object should have control over us.

No object should have that much power over one person.

Today is the day where you can reclaim your life.

When I came back from hospital I had scales in my bathroom and yes, I did continue to weigh myself for a little while.

Then I had one of those moments (one of those light bulb moments) where I thought I need to throw them out. I need to get them out of my house.

They had been sort of a friend for a while but what it a really healthy friendship?

Is it really healthy to have a friend that is always saying to you, sorry you are just not good enough you just don’t measure up? You need to lose more kilos?

The day came were I took control back of my life from the scales.

I went into the bathroom, picked them up and walked confidently and with purpose to the big bin out the front of my house.

I flung open the lid of the bin, threw the scales in and shut the lid then I walked back to my house promising myself that I would never allow scales to have a place in my home or life again.

And they haven’t.

traceybuckley

 

 

Be Kind To Yourself

Be Kind To Yourself

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In my last blog I talked about recovery and that recovery is possible.

Recovery is a journey it is not one straight line and that is okay.

I love the story in Mark 5:25-34 it is about a woman who had been unwell for a while and needed a miracle. She knew that if she just touched Jesus she would be healed. I admire this woman she had, had enough of being unwell. She put her faith into action and was healed.

It took a decision for her to realise that she had enough of being unwell. She also had to make her way to wear Jesus was and to push past the crowd. I wonder what she was thinking as she did this, I wonder if she was nervous or excited. It must have taken all of her energy to reach out and touch Jesus clothes. She had faith.

The part that encourages me and helped me was when He said to her “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace and be healed of your affliction.”

Wow!

This scripture encouraged me in my recovery, I wanted to be a woman of faith.

Now I was not healed instantly, mine was a journey of discovering who I really was. I am okay with my recovery journey, it is my unique story.

Recovery looks different for everyone, so let’s not compare our journey with others.

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You are you. You are created for a purpose on purpose.

Your journey of recovery is yours to explore, to realise that you are a gift and to trust and have faith.

So be kind to yourself, every day is a new day.

Do something nice for yourself.

Buy a nice journal and a lovely pen and write draw.

Maybe buy yourself a nice perfume and wear it every day.

Remember these words-

“Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace and be healed of your affliction.”

traceybuckley

 

 

 

 

Recovery Is Possible

Recovery Is Possible

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Reading-

John 10:10

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill and to destroy. I have come that they may have life and that they may have it more abundantly.

 

Devotion

I love this scripture it has been on my heart for a while, it makes me think about life and living it to the full.

Think about this for the moment, imagine yourself living life in freedom without an Eating Disorder controlling everything that you do.

Wow!

What would that look like for you and how would that feel?

It will be different for everyone.

I have been thinking about this for a while and I am so passionate about helping and seeing women break free from this illness.

I have been thinking what can I do?

How can I make a difference?

Is it at all possible?

Yes, I believe that it is possible, you can have freedom, you can have a beautiful life.

Maybe you haven’t thought about what life would be without an eating disorder, but just think about it.

Take some time to think about it, pause for a moment.

Over the next few weeks I really want to look at recovery and to realise that recovery is possible

I am going to share some things that I did to reclaim my life.

I hope that you can join me in exploring that recovery is possible.

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Please look after yourself-

If you need help please see a professional, you really do need to see someone that specialises in this area. I would encourage you it takes a team.

traceybuckley

 

Be Encouraged Brave Warrior

Be Encouraged Brave Warrior

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Today as I was home cooking I really felt that I wanted to encourage women (and men) who are walking through recovery.

I wanted to encourage you that deciding to overcome an eating disorder it not an easy decision.

I really wanted to encourage you and say that you are brave.

You are probably thinking no I’m not, I am nowhere near being brave.

You are probably thinking she is not talking about me?

But yes I am?

I am talking to you beautiful brave warrior.

You have made a decision to recover and that is being brave.

You are brave warrior because maybe you chose to-

  • Get out of bed this morning
  • Followed your meal plan
  • Asked for help
  • Kept your appointment with your counsellor, therapist
  • Let someone know that you are struggling
  • Decided to be real with someone about how you are feeling
  • Had breakfast
  • Laughed
  • May have cried
  • Went out for a coffee with a friend
  • Chose to ignore the negative thoughts
  • Wrote in your journal
  • Prayed
  • Read
  • Went food shopping
  • Listened to music that inspired you
  • Stopped and just breathed

Maybe you have been brave in your own way.

Maybe you even thought about doing something on the list above and that is okay.

Sometimes even thinking about doing something is a step towards recovery.

Every day is a step forward to recovery.

Be kind to yourself.

Beautiful Brave Warrior

traceybuckley

When Your Thoughts Are Ruining Your Life

When Your Thoughts Are Ruining Your Life

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Daily Reading

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Daily Devotional

So I have been thinking about when you have those negative thoughts that bombard you.

You know the ones that say-

  • You are not good enough
  • You cannot do anything right
  • You will never be any good
  • You are a fraud
  • You are useless
  • You don’t deserve to have a good life
  • You don’t deserve…………….

And then there are the what ifs……….

Worry, worry and more worry.

I know them well.

Those are the thoughts of condemnation and shame.

This is not what God thinks about you.

He wants you to be made whole and well.

Yes you might have made mistakes, yes you might have upset someone, yes you are still on the journey.

Yes you might be regretting things that you have said and done.

What do we do when the thoughts are consuming us?

Pray give them over to God and let him heal you.

Read His word and see what He says about you.

Let His peace be over your mind today.

Be anxious for nothing.

Read that again.

You will get through this.

I love that we are a work in progress.

Today make yourself a nice cup of tea or coffee and just breathe.

Just breathe.

traceybuckley

 

The Joy of the Lord

The Joy of the Lord

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Daily Reading

The joy of the Lord is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

Daily Devotional

I love the scripture the joy of the Lord is my strength.

I have been sorting through my journals of when I was going through having an eating disorder and I came across a sentence that I had written.

The sentence was- “You know I haven’t had a good laugh in ages.”

At that time in my life there wasn’t anything to laugh about there wasn’t anything that brought me joy.

I wrote this in 2006 which was a really difficult year.

I had returned from going to Melbourne where I had attended a program for 3 weeks. I had to get a medical certificate from my GP to actually fly there. That was how unwell I was. Although I couldn’t see it myself.

I was blessed to be able to stay in a beautiful unit at no cost at all. Three whole weeks and the unit had everything even heated floors. I don’t know who the person was but I was grateful as I didn’t have to worry about the cost of my accommodation.

The program was amazing but coming back to Perth I didn’t have the same support and of course I relapsed.

Even though my weight was low I really should have been in hospital, I felt so heavy.

I wanted to be happy, I wanted to be that confident girl who could just be at peace with herself.

I wanted to laugh and not worry what other people thought of me.

Joy took a while to come back into my life.

Now I laugh every day, sometimes at myself.

My laugh is loud and I make no apology about it.

I am discovering the joy in the little things.

There was a long time in my life where I didn’t laugh and now I am making up for it.

Let me encourage you, your joy will come back.

You will laugh again, you will find that life is amazing.

Look for joy in the little things.

Joy will find you.

traceybuckley

Asking For Help

Asking For Help

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I am passionate this year about writing my book on recovery from an eating disorder.

When I was struggling with the eating disorder I found it really difficult to find the help that I needed. I found it difficult to ask for help as well.

I know that when I needed help I was not thinking clearly and so my judgement was not the best.

I remember my first admission I had been referred by my local GP to a Doctor that I had not met. I was okay with that at the time because I wanted to help.

 

This also happened on my second admission because I was so unwell that I really didn’t get the opportunity to talk to the Doctor before I had met him. So I was discharged from hospital and I was still struggling, my weight had been restored but my change of thinking was still the same.

I wasn’t really coping at all being at home, I had really bad anxiety. I ended up going back to my local GP who was just amazing.

I sat in her office and she said to me that there were two Doctors that she could try.

My GP called both of the Doctors and left a message with their assistants and she said to me whichever one phones back first you will just have to go with them. She could see that I did need to go back into hospital.

Now I had heard of one of the Doctor’s, from some of the girls that I was in hospital with and I had really hoped that he would be the one to call back.

My GP suggested going over to the shops across the road from the Doctors Clinic and to come back in a little while.

I remember this day so clearly. I remember walking across the road praying crying out to God in desperation that I would get the Doctor that I needed. I remember praying that Doctor ______________, would call back.

After sometime at the shops I walked back to the Doctors Clinic and sat in the waiting room.

My GP came out to get me and I sat in her office.

She said to me that Doctor ______________ the one that I had prayed for had called back and that I had an appointment the next day at 9am.

Oh my gosh!

I knew that this was an answer to prayer a miracle really, because this Doctor had a 3 month waiting list and his books had been closed.

I had an appointment the next day at 9am.

I went to my appointment the next day and he asked me if I needed to go back into hospital and I said YES.

He was just lovely and did things a bit differently.

I remember him saying to me, “I won’t get everything right but I will do my best for you”.

And so the journey back to health continued.

 

I am grateful for every Doctor that helped me in my journey I have learnt a lot from them and most of all they were part of the team that kept me alive.

I am especially grateful to have had Doctor_____________, he saw me, he saw my potential and he did not see me as just an eating disorder.

Will share more soon.

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