A few weeks ago I was looking at Pinterest which I love and I was searching the words Just Breathe. I was looking for a quote on Just Breathe.

Little did I know how important those words would come to mean to me.

I have been focusing this year on self-care and finding a balance between work, home life and creative adventures. I had committed to going to boxing twice a week which was one of my first non-negotiables for the year.

I loved the commitment to boxing I was going twice a week and loved it.

I have also been journaling every day and loving it.

Last Saturday I woke up not feeling very well at all, I thought that I was coming down with something. I was able to make an appointment to see the Doctor that morning.

I thought that I had a cold or the flu, I love how I try to diagnose myself.

I knew that there was something was not okay with my left lung, but I was hoping that I could just push through (as I usually do).

The Doctor said that I had Pneumonia!

He wanted me to have an x-ray to confirm it and yes it was Pneumonia in my left lung.

What!

The Doctor gave me a Doctor’s note to have the week off and I did ask him if I could go to boxing. What, I know! He said Umm probably not at the moment.

I thought that I would have a few days off, but no.

So this week I have spent the whole week at home I have slept, rested and have been extremely tired.

I think that this is the first time in a long time that I have had a full week of work.

I usually push through and just get on with things.

I am not very good at being unwell, I felt so guilty because I had a full week, and I had a really busy week with lots to do. I feel like I have let people down (I know something that I am working on).

I needed to make a decision I needed to take the time to look after myself and get better or go back to work and take longer to recover.

I realised that I actually didn’t have an option, take the time of and recovery fully.

I knew that I was not well, because I wasn’t interested in doing anything really only sleeping and resting.

So my search on Pinterest for Just Breathe is all that I could really do this week.

Just Breathe

I am really learning a lot about self-care and looking after myself.

 

Hopefully I will be back at work next week. I have really missed it. I have missed being creative.

 

Just Breathe

 

Will share more soon.

 

I love friends that you can just be yourself with friends that you can let your guard down and just be you. I love friends you can chat about anything, where it is okay to be vulnerable.

Yesterday I went and had a retreat with a lovely friend and mentor. I had been looking forward to the catch up with her since I booked the retreat, a few weeks ago.

I drove to catch up with her listening to worship music and singing along.

As I was driving I was thinking about the word invest and rest.

It was so good to see my friend again and of course we starting talking over coffee. Yes love my coffee.

I was saying that last year was probably one of the first years in a long time that I hadn’t gone away or hadn’t gone on a plane anywhere.

So as we talked drank coffee and discussed things, the theme-    Adventure      came up.

 

I needed to have Adventure in my life and to treat myself to new experiences and just to do nice things for myself.

I don’t know about you but I am not very good at giving myself permission to……………………………………(whatever it may be).

After we spoke for a while I went to the beach and had a swim, I hadn’t done that in a while and it was so nice.

I sat on the beach watching the waves splashing into the shore. I noticed people snorkelling, people fishing and people kitesurfing. I sat on the beach and thought about the last few months, I thought about what I hadn’t been doing that somehow I had lost my adventurous self.

 

I don’t know about you but there is something about sitting near water which is calming and where I can just sit to think and not feel distracted.

 

The retreat was just what I needed and an adventure list was created.

 

I am grateful to have friends that can speak into my life and can help me get perspective on things.

So Adventure  Awaits.

What is something that you can do for yourself today?

Would love to hear your ideas?

 

Will share more soon.

 

 

Writing this book is really difficult, it means going through my old journals and reliving in a way the dark times. Yes it was a very dark time in my life.

I am going to have to pace myself because I have moved on and my life has changed.

I also have to be careful that what I am reading is not going to trigger anything for me as well.

I want to write this book, I need to write this book, I want this to be a book of hope and that recovery is possible.

 

When you have Anorexia, you feel that you do not deserve anything. You just feel that you don’t get to have anything nice, you deny yourself things. This was my experience.

 

I had an amazing Doctor and yes he was an answer to prayer.

I was talking to him one day when I was in hospital I was talking about shoes. It was a very in depth conversation really, between a girl and her Doctor.

He said to me that my prescription was to buy the shoes.

He wanted me to go out and buy the shoes.

I was shocked what Doctor tells you that you have a prescription to buy shoes?

What a strange prescription, he was actually challenging my thought patterns and encouraging me that I did deserve to have nice things.

So after my chat with him I went and spoke to some of the girls that I was in hospital with, and I said my Doctor just gave me a prescription to go out and buy new shoes. I know that I was in shock and they were a bit shocked and said we want that Doctor.

So the challenge was set and because my Doctor saw me as a person and not the illness I did buy a pair of shoes.

When I saw him again he asked me if I had brought the new shoes.

My answer was yes. It was the first time that I had brought something for me that I liked that was pretty and feminine.

This was the first stage of discovering who I was without the illness. It may not seem that big of a deal, but for me it was an important part of my recovery.

 

I love shoes now I really do.  I probably have a bit of a shoes addiction to be honest.  It’s all good though.

 

I am okay with that.

I am so grateful for a doctor who saw me and not the illness.

 

Will share more soon.

Going out to buy some more shoes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One of the reasons for writing a book about my experience and journey of having an eating disorder is to share what I went through.

As scary as it is it, I want to provide hope and to let others know that recovery is possible.

I know that recovery is possible.

I want to be authentic, I want to write from my heart and I want to be real.

As much as I am really nervous about sharing what I went through and I am feeling very vulnerable about it (I really am), I know that I need to write it.

Courage is what I need and courage is a good thing (I am saying this to myself as well).

It takes courage for me to go through my journals and to relive the situations that I went through.

It takes courage for me to re-read what I had written in those dark lonely days.  It takes courage for me to re-read the struggle that I went through.

When I was going through my journey I journaled a lot, journaling helped me to express what I was feeling. I needed to journal because I couldn’t really talk to anyone about it. I couldn’t find the words to express what I was going through and also I was just too exhausted.

My message is that – Recovery Is Possible.

 

Will share more soon.

 

 

I love writing and I really love blogging.

Yesterday I went and visited a friend and we just chatted and shared what we wanted to do this year.

I had started a draft for a book that I want to write and it is still a work in progress.

The book that I am writing is about my journey with having an eating disorder. In the book I really want to focus on recovery. I know when I was going through it I really wanted to talk to someone that had recovered and see what their life was like without the illness.
I had read a few books when I was in the depth of the illness, they were good but they mainly focused on the illness and what that person did to keep it.

I really wanted to read a book about someone who had recovered and how they did it.

I know that everyone’s journey is different, but I think that what I was looking for was hope. I wanted to know that recovery was possible at a time when I couldn’t see it myself.

 

My friend had such a great idea about writing about it on the blog.  She suggested if I wrote once a week or once a fortnight then by the end of the year, I would have enough for the book.

 

That made it seems less daunting and it made it seem not as scary or overwhelming.

Now I just have to commit to it and I have to learn that being vulnerable is okay.

I knew that when I was going through the illness that I wanted to speak and write about my journey.

I know that 2016 is the year to pursue it.

So I am going to be brave, I am going to be vulnerable, I am going to take a deep breath and I am going to begin.

 

I want to make a difference.

Will share more soon.

 

I have been on holidays for a few weeks and I am just getting used to slowing down and taking things bit easier.

It has taken me a while and I think that this year I want to slow things down a bit. I want to achieve things this year.

I want to make time this year to exercise and to take some dance classes.

Last Tuesday I went back to Boxing and have decided that this year I am going to commit to going twice a week.

This is going to be one of my non negotiables for the year. I am going to make time and allow the time to attend.

Well I am into the second week of going and yes I have been twice this week.

Yeah, I am loving it.

I think that the hardest part is just getting there, you can come up with so many excuses or that it is just going to be too hard.

I think that sometimes I do that will others things that I watch to achieve in my live. I can talk myself out of it, I can come up with a whole lot of excuses of why I shouldn’t do something. Then I am in that vicious cycle of when I ……………………….. Then I will………………

 

This year I want to mix things up a bit and do things that I have been putting off.

 

So my thought it now I have…………………………..

What next……………………………….

 

It’s time to take action it’s time to make those changes, make those plans and do them.

 

Just like I am doing this with going to boxing what else will I do this year that are non-negotiables for me?

What will I achieve this year?

 

What next………………………………..

 

Will share more soon.

 

 

I found myself welcoming 2016 with not my usual bubbly, excited self but more of a, I think that I have made it to the New Year -just. It was like I had commando crawled just over the line reaching into the first day of the New Year.

I have always loved the first day of the New Year, I work through some questions and reflect on the year before. I also buy a new planner for each year and I love writing in the fresh new crisp pages.

This year it felt different this year I felt numb and empty inside. I felt like my passion and creativity had gone.

I think that I just felt tired, exhausted, stuck and confused.

 

I thought of a few things-

1. Had I really embraced last year 2015 and achieved the goals that I had set for myself?

 

2. Why was the beginning of this year feeling different?

 

 

3. What can I do this year so that I am living my life differently to last year?

I have sometime of work and I had been thinking about these questions a lot. I don’t want 2016 to be a repeat of 2015.

On Tuesday I went back to boxing something that I had wanted to commit to last year 2 to 3 times a week.

It did happen a few times in October and then things happened.

Well Tuesday was a bit of a turnaround day. I went to my boxing session and worked through it and yes it was hard and yes I sweated and yes my arms were sore.

But I loved it the whole time I was there I was not thinking about what I needed to do next. I was focused on seeing how long I could skip without stopping, I was focused on how many push ups I could do, I was focused on how many times I could punch the bag without stopping and I was focused on how many sit ups I could do without stopping. I was in the moment and it was great.

 

Something was happening within me and it was like I was being refreshed and awakened.

 

For the month of January I want to talk about Changes.

I will be sharing what Changes I am going to make for this year 2016.

 

Join me for the journey.

 

Will share more soon.

 

There are only 2 more days left of 2015 and I have been reflecting on this year.

I think that everyone has that moment of what did I do in 2015 and what will 2016 look like for me?

What did my 2015 look like?

I really focused on my work as a school Chaplain and worked full time at four different schools.

I love my job and I love what I get to do.  I love the diversity of my days.

I have been able to do a lot of amazing things and also I love the people that I am able to journey with.

I have an amazing friend and mentor who has helped me with goals for myself. I love just chatting with her and catching up with her. I love catching up with people who are inspiring and encouraging.

What I would have liked to have done more in 2015? I would like to have travelled more.

I really did enjoy going to Margaret River and meeting amazing women.

 

I know for 2016 I would love to find that work, life balance and be okay about it.

 

My friend Amanda Viviers has a fantastic group of questions that she asks herself and I have been doing them for the past 3 years.

So if you find yourself wondering what you are going to do in 2016 please find the link for my friend’s page.

I will be working on my questions New Year’s Eve and completing them on New Year’s Day and I love this time of year.

I love the first day of the New Year, It feels like a new notebook that needs to be filled with adventures, pictures, words and experiences.

Will share more soon.