Buy The Shoes

Buy The Shoes

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Writing this book is really difficult, it means going through my old journals and reliving in a way the dark times. Yes it was a very dark time in my life.

I am going to have to pace myself because I have moved on and my life has changed.

I also have to be careful that what I am reading is not going to trigger anything for me as well.

I want to write this book, I need to write this book, I want this to be a book of hope and that recovery is possible.

 

When you have Anorexia, you feel that you do not deserve anything. You just feel that you don’t get to have anything nice, you deny yourself things. This was my experience.

 

I had an amazing Doctor and yes he was an answer to prayer.

I was talking to him one day when I was in hospital I was talking about shoes. It was a very in depth conversation really, between a girl and her Doctor.

He said to me that my prescription was to buy the shoes.

He wanted me to go out and buy the shoes.

I was shocked what Doctor tells you that you have a prescription to buy shoes?

What a strange prescription, he was actually challenging my thought patterns and encouraging me that I did deserve to have nice things.

So after my chat with him I went and spoke to some of the girls that I was in hospital with, and I said my Doctor just gave me a prescription to go out and buy new shoes. I know that I was in shock and they were a bit shocked and said we want that Doctor.

So the challenge was set and because my Doctor saw me as a person and not the illness I did buy a pair of shoes.

When I saw him again he asked me if I had brought the new shoes.

My answer was yes. It was the first time that I had brought something for me that I liked that was pretty and feminine.

This was the first stage of discovering who I was without the illness. It may not seem that big of a deal, but for me it was an important part of my recovery.

 

I love shoes now I really do.  I probably have a bit of a shoes addiction to be honest.  It’s all good though.

 

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I am okay with that.

I am so grateful for a doctor who saw me and not the illness.

 

Will share more soon.

Going out to buy some more shoes.

 

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Why Share My Journey?

Why Share My Journey?

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One of the reasons for writing a book about my experience and journey of having an eating disorder is to share what I went through.

As scary as it is it, I want to provide hope and to let others know that recovery is possible.

I know that recovery is possible.

I want to be authentic, I want to write from my heart and I want to be real.

As much as I am really nervous about sharing what I went through and I am feeling very vulnerable about it (I really am), I know that I need to write it.

Courage is what I need and courage is a good thing (I am saying this to myself as well).

It takes courage for me to go through my journals and to relive the situations that I went through.

It takes courage for me to re-read what I had written in those dark lonely days.  It takes courage for me to re-read the struggle that I went through.

When I was going through my journey I journaled a lot, journaling helped me to express what I was feeling. I needed to journal because I couldn’t really talk to anyone about it. I couldn’t find the words to express what I was going through and also I was just too exhausted.

My message is that – Recovery Is Possible.

 

Will share more soon.

 

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Write That Book

Write That Book

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I love writing and I really love blogging.

Yesterday I went and visited a friend and we just chatted and shared what we wanted to do this year.

I had started a draft for a book that I want to write and it is still a work in progress.

The book that I am writing is about my journey with having an eating disorder. In the book I really want to focus on recovery. I know when I was going through it I really wanted to talk to someone that had recovered and see what their life was like without the illness.
I had read a few books when I was in the depth of the illness, they were good but they mainly focused on the illness and what that person did to keep it.

I really wanted to read a book about someone who had recovered and how they did it.

I know that everyone’s journey is different, but I think that what I was looking for was hope. I wanted to know that recovery was possible at a time when I couldn’t see it myself.

 

My friend had such a great idea about writing about it on the blog.  She suggested if I wrote once a week or once a fortnight then by the end of the year, I would have enough for the book.

 

That made it seems less daunting and it made it seem not as scary or overwhelming.

Now I just have to commit to it and I have to learn that being vulnerable is okay.

I knew that when I was going through the illness that I wanted to speak and write about my journey.

I know that 2016 is the year to pursue it.

So I am going to be brave, I am going to be vulnerable, I am going to take a deep breath and I am going to begin.

 

I want to make a difference.

Will share more soon.

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What Next……………………………

What Next……………………………

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I have been on holidays for a few weeks and I am just getting used to slowing down and taking things bit easier.

It has taken me a while and I think that this year I want to slow things down a bit. I want to achieve things this year.

I want to make time this year to exercise and to take some dance classes.

Last Tuesday I went back to Boxing and have decided that this year I am going to commit to going twice a week.

This is going to be one of my non negotiables for the year. I am going to make time and allow the time to attend.

Well I am into the second week of going and yes I have been twice this week.

Yeah, I am loving it.

I think that the hardest part is just getting there, you can come up with so many excuses or that it is just going to be too hard.

I think that sometimes I do that will others things that I watch to achieve in my live. I can talk myself out of it, I can come up with a whole lot of excuses of why I shouldn’t do something. Then I am in that vicious cycle of when I ……………………….. Then I will………………

 

This year I want to mix things up a bit and do things that I have been putting off.

 

So my thought it now I have…………………………..

What next……………………………….

 

It’s time to take action it’s time to make those changes, make those plans and do them.

 

Just like I am doing this with going to boxing what else will I do this year that are non-negotiables for me?

What will I achieve this year?

 

What next………………………………..

 

Will share more soon.

 

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Changes 2016

Changes 2016

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I found myself welcoming 2016 with not my usual bubbly, excited self but more of a, I think that I have made it to the New Year -just. It was like I had commando crawled just over the line reaching into the first day of the New Year.

I have always loved the first day of the New Year, I work through some questions and reflect on the year before. I also buy a new planner for each year and I love writing in the fresh new crisp pages.

This year it felt different this year I felt numb and empty inside. I felt like my passion and creativity had gone.

I think that I just felt tired, exhausted, stuck and confused.

 

I thought of a few things-

  1. Had I really embraced last year 2015 and achieved the goals that I had set for myself?

 

  1. Why was the beginning of this year feeling different?

 

 

  1. What can I do this year so that I am living my life differently to last year?

I have sometime of work and I had been thinking about these questions a lot. I don’t want 2016 to be a repeat of 2015.

On Tuesday I went back to boxing something that I had wanted to commit to last year 2 to 3 times a week.

It did happen a few times in October and then things happened.

Well Tuesday was a bit of a turnaround day. I went to my boxing session and worked through it and yes it was hard and yes I sweated and yes my arms were sore.

But I loved it the whole time I was there I was not thinking about what I needed to do next. I was focused on seeing how long I could skip without stopping, I was focused on how many push ups I could do, I was focused on how many times I could punch the bag without stopping and I was focused on how many sit ups I could do without stopping. I was in the moment and it was great.

 

Something was happening within me and it was like I was being refreshed and awakened.

 

For the month of January I want to talk about Changes.

I will be sharing what Changes I am going to make for this year 2016.

 

Join me for the journey.

 

Will share more soon.

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How Are You Feeling?

How Are You Feeling?

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I love that movie Inside Out and how it explains all the different emotion’s that we have.

I had my niece over the other day and we watched the movie together again. I loved her perspective about how we do need sadness to help us.

We need all of our emotions and they need to be expressed in a healthy way.

Life can get difficult and we can get busy and not look after ourselves emotionally.

Have you ever had those moments when someone has said something to you and it has made you either get angry or cry?

Have you ever had those times when you have just focused on what you need to do and stuffed down your emotions?

 

Sometimes I think that we all need to have a good cry.

I have read somewhere that crying is not a sign of weakness it means that you have been strong for a while.

I can relate to that.

 

Sometimes we also need to have a good laugh. I love those moments with friends when you have those moments when you laugh so much that it hurts.

I also love those moments when you are tired and everything just makes you laugh.

This time after Christmas and New Year can leave you feeling exhausted, excited, tired, fearful, happy, sad a bunch of mixed emotions.

How are you feeling?

Do you need to take some time for yourself, just to check how you are going?

Look after yourself, the year has just begun.

 

Will share more soon.

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