The other day I Skyped my friend and mentor about goals for the year.

I love it when you can talk to someone who lives a creative life and can challenge you to try new things.

My challenge for this year was to have new adventures.

It was also to have a some more fun in my life.

I am writing my book this year and it can be quite difficult reliving those moments.

My friend suggested balancing out the moments with having some fun as well.

Well I love challenges and trying new things, so the Year of Adventure Challenge begins.

My goal for April is to write every day of the school holidays.

It not just to write but to have those creative adventures and to write about them.

I am really looking forward to this.

Will share more soon.

This is from my book that I am writing, it may be triggering for some people if this happens please seek professional help.

There were difficult times in my journey and this is one of them.

She closed her eyes and prayed that this nightmare would be over.

Did she have the strength to get better, did she want to get better, would her life be any different?

The questions just kept coming over and over, her head felt like it would explode. The thoughts were loud and aggressive. They were teasing her reminding her that she had no value, no worth and no one loved her. How could she turn off the thoughts so she could just rest?

She needed peace, she needed an answer, she needed to know that her life had purpose?

Where would she find the answers to her many questions.

The day did come when she wanted to die. A very hard thing to say out loud to verbalise it especially when there were two amazing friends that were right there trying to keep her alive. The darkness in her life was taking over and yes it was dark.

The words just fell out of her mouth, she said “I want to die.” The words haunted her and she knew that she had nothing left to give.

She couldn’t even find hope, hope had disappeared.

The moment is scary; her life was spinning totally out of control.

It was the darkest moment in her life and it was the darkest time in her life.

She really didn’t care what was happening to her, she simply had no energy to care.

“I don’t want to be alive any more” her words.

Malnourished, broken, her body fading away, trapped by an illness that had controlled so much of her life.

The illness was winning.

This is not the end of this story there is more.

The journey continues……………

Thank You Amanda Viviers for helping to design the picture for this post. xx

Therefore, we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Hebrews 12:1-2 NKJV

Did you know that God created you as an individual with a divine purpose and plan?

What has God entrusted you with?

Do you find yourselves comparing yourself with others?

Do you find yourself saying If only I could sing like her, if only I write like her, if only I could draw like her if only, if only, if only?

As women we sometimes or maybe often find ourselves comparing our unique self with others, but we are not in competition.

How freeing is that?

We are not in competition with others.

We are designed by God as an individual.

Run your own race the scripture from Hebrews 12:1-2 resonates within me.

It encourages me and inspires me to do more, live more and to run my own race.

What is it saying to you at this time?

It has taken me quite some time in finding out what God has wanted me to do and to just have a go.

I was challenged by a Godly friend and mentor to say yes to things in my Christian walk.

Say yes to new opportunities, say yes to new experiences, say yes.

This has helped me to understand who I am in Christ and what I can do through Him and with Him

When we step out in what he wants us to do, our world expands there is an amazing world out there that needs what you have to give.

There is someone who is waiting for you to shine your gift, which will help them to release their gift.

What are you passionate about?

What do you love doing?

We all have different gifts and talents and God is so excited when we step out, find and use those gifts that he has given us.

Beautiful one I don’t know where you are today in your journey but be encouraged find a place where you can have some quiet time with God.

What is His still quiet voice saying to you at this time?

Ask him what he wants you to do?

He will let you know.

Realise that whatever you are doing you are doing it for Him.

You will do amazing things when you are running your own race. He is cheering you on can you hear Him.

Be an encourager.

Be Bold.

Inspire others to be all they can be through Him, fix your eyes on Him.

I believe in you.

A few weeks ago I was looking at Pinterest which I love and I was searching the words Just Breathe. I was looking for a quote on Just Breathe.

Little did I know how important those words would come to mean to me.

I have been focusing this year on self-care and finding a balance between work, home life and creative adventures. I had committed to going to boxing twice a week which was one of my first non-negotiables for the year.

I loved the commitment to boxing I was going twice a week and loved it.

I have also been journaling every day and loving it.

Last Saturday I woke up not feeling very well at all, I thought that I was coming down with something. I was able to make an appointment to see the Doctor that morning.

I thought that I had a cold or the flu, I love how I try to diagnose myself.

I knew that there was something was not okay with my left lung, but I was hoping that I could just push through (as I usually do).

The Doctor said that I had Pneumonia!

He wanted me to have an x-ray to confirm it and yes it was Pneumonia in my left lung.

What!

The Doctor gave me a Doctor’s note to have the week off and I did ask him if I could go to boxing. What, I know! He said Umm probably not at the moment.

I thought that I would have a few days off, but no.

So this week I have spent the whole week at home I have slept, rested and have been extremely tired.

I think that this is the first time in a long time that I have had a full week of work.

I usually push through and just get on with things.

I am not very good at being unwell, I felt so guilty because I had a full week, and I had a really busy week with lots to do. I feel like I have let people down (I know something that I am working on).

I needed to make a decision I needed to take the time to look after myself and get better or go back to work and take longer to recover.

I realised that I actually didn’t have an option, take the time of and recovery fully.

I knew that I was not well, because I wasn’t interested in doing anything really only sleeping and resting.

So my search on Pinterest for Just Breathe is all that I could really do this week.

Just Breathe

I am really learning a lot about self-care and looking after myself.

Hopefully I will be back at work next week. I have really missed it. I have missed being creative.

Just Breathe

Will share more soon.

I love friends that you can just be yourself with friends that you can let your guard down and just be you. I love friends you can chat about anything, where it is okay to be vulnerable.

Yesterday I went and had a retreat with a lovely friend and mentor. I had been looking forward to the catch up with her since I booked the retreat, a few weeks ago.

I drove to catch up with her listening to worship music and singing along.

As I was driving I was thinking about the word invest and rest.

It was so good to see my friend again and of course we starting talking over coffee. Yes love my coffee.

I was saying that last year was probably one of the first years in a long time that I hadn’t gone away or hadn’t gone on a plane anywhere.

So as we talked drank coffee and discussed things, the theme-    Adventure      came up.

I needed to have Adventure in my life and to treat myself to new experiences and just to do nice things for myself.

I don’t know about you but I am not very good at giving myself permission to……………………………………(whatever it may be).

After we spoke for a while I went to the beach and had a swim, I hadn’t done that in a while and it was so nice.

I sat on the beach watching the waves splashing into the shore. I noticed people snorkelling, people fishing and people kitesurfing. I sat on the beach and thought about the last few months, I thought about what I hadn’t been doing that somehow I had lost my adventurous self.

I don’t know about you but there is something about sitting near water which is calming and where I can just sit to think and not feel distracted.

The retreat was just what I needed and an adventure list was created.

I am grateful to have friends that can speak into my life and can help me get perspective on things.

So Adventure  Awaits.

What is something that you can do for yourself today?

Would love to hear your ideas?

Will share more soon.

Writing this book is really difficult, it means going through my old journals and reliving in a way the dark times. Yes it was a very dark time in my life.

I am going to have to pace myself because I have moved on and my life has changed.

I also have to be careful that what I am reading is not going to trigger anything for me as well.

I want to write this book, I need to write this book, I want this to be a book of hope and that recovery is possible.

When you have Anorexia, you feel that you do not deserve anything. You just feel that you don’t get to have anything nice, you deny yourself things. This was my experience.

I had an amazing Doctor and yes he was an answer to prayer.

I was talking to him one day when I was in hospital I was talking about shoes. It was a very in depth conversation really, between a girl and her Doctor.

He said to me that my prescription was to buy the shoes.

He wanted me to go out and buy the shoes.

I was shocked what Doctor tells you that you have a prescription to buy shoes?

What a strange prescription, he was actually challenging my thought patterns and encouraging me that I did deserve to have nice things.

So after my chat with him I went and spoke to some of the girls that I was in hospital with, and I said my Doctor just gave me a prescription to go out and buy new shoes. I know that I was in shock and they were a bit shocked and said we want that Doctor.

So the challenge was set and because my Doctor saw me as a person and not the illness I did buy a pair of shoes.

When I saw him again he asked me if I had brought the new shoes.

My answer was yes. It was the first time that I had brought something for me that I liked that was pretty and feminine.

This was the first stage of discovering who I was without the illness. It may not seem that big of a deal, but for me it was an important part of my recovery.

I love shoes now I really do.  I probably have a bit of a shoes addiction to be honest.  It’s all good though.

I am okay with that.

I am so grateful for a doctor who saw me and not the illness.

Will share more soon.

Going out to buy some more shoes.

One of the reasons for writing a book about my experience and journey of having an eating disorder is to share what I went through.

As scary as it is it, I want to provide hope and to let others know that recovery is possible.

I know that recovery is possible.

I want to be authentic, I want to write from my heart and I want to be real.

As much as I am really nervous about sharing what I went through and I am feeling very vulnerable about it (I really am), I know that I need to write it.

Courage is what I need and courage is a good thing (I am saying this to myself as well).

It takes courage for me to go through my journals and to relive the situations that I went through.

It takes courage for me to re-read what I had written in those dark lonely days.  It takes courage for me to re-read the struggle that I went through.

When I was going through my journey I journaled a lot, journaling helped me to express what I was feeling. I needed to journal because I couldn’t really talk to anyone about it. I couldn’t find the words to express what I was going through and also I was just too exhausted.

My message is that – Recovery Is Possible.

Will share more soon.

I love writing and I really love blogging.

Yesterday I went and visited a friend and we just chatted and shared what we wanted to do this year.

I had started a draft for a book that I want to write and it is still a work in progress.

The book that I am writing is about my journey with having an eating disorder. In the book I really want to focus on recovery. I know when I was going through it I really wanted to talk to someone that had recovered and see what their life was like without the illness.
I had read a few books when I was in the depth of the illness, they were good but they mainly focused on the illness and what that person did to keep it.

I really wanted to read a book about someone who had recovered and how they did it.

I know that everyone’s journey is different, but I think that what I was looking for was hope. I wanted to know that recovery was possible at a time when I couldn’t see it myself.

My friend had such a great idea about writing about it on the blog.  She suggested if I wrote once a week or once a fortnight then by the end of the year, I would have enough for the book.

That made it seems less daunting and it made it seem not as scary or overwhelming.

Now I just have to commit to it and I have to learn that being vulnerable is okay.

I knew that when I was going through the illness that I wanted to speak and write about my journey.

I know that 2016 is the year to pursue it.

So I am going to be brave, I am going to be vulnerable, I am going to take a deep breath and I am going to begin.

I want to make a difference.

Will share more soon.

I have been on holidays for a few weeks and I am just getting used to slowing down and taking things bit easier.

It has taken me a while and I think that this year I want to slow things down a bit. I want to achieve things this year.

I want to make time this year to exercise and to take some dance classes.

Last Tuesday I went back to Boxing and have decided that this year I am going to commit to going twice a week.

This is going to be one of my non negotiables for the year. I am going to make time and allow the time to attend.

Well I am into the second week of going and yes I have been twice this week.

Yeah, I am loving it.

I think that the hardest part is just getting there, you can come up with so many excuses or that it is just going to be too hard.

I think that sometimes I do that will others things that I watch to achieve in my live. I can talk myself out of it, I can come up with a whole lot of excuses of why I shouldn’t do something. Then I am in that vicious cycle of when I ……………………….. Then I will………………

This year I want to mix things up a bit and do things that I have been putting off.

So my thought it now I have…………………………..

What next……………………………….

It’s time to take action it’s time to make those changes, make those plans and do them.

Just like I am doing this with going to boxing what else will I do this year that are non-negotiables for me?

What will I achieve this year?

What next………………………………..

Will share more soon.