I found myself welcoming 2016 with not my usual bubbly, excited self but more of a, I think that I have made it to the New Year -just. It was like I had commando crawled just over the line reaching into the first day of the New Year.

I have always loved the first day of the New Year, I work through some questions and reflect on the year before. I also buy a new planner for each year and I love writing in the fresh new crisp pages.

This year it felt different this year I felt numb and empty inside. I felt like my passion and creativity had gone.

I think that I just felt tired, exhausted, stuck and confused.

I thought of a few things-

1. Had I really embraced last year 2015 and achieved the goals that I had set for myself?

2. Why was the beginning of this year feeling different?

3. What can I do this year so that I am living my life differently to last year?

I have sometime of work and I had been thinking about these questions a lot. I don’t want 2016 to be a repeat of 2015.

On Tuesday I went back to boxing something that I had wanted to commit to last year 2 to 3 times a week.

It did happen a few times in October and then things happened.

Well Tuesday was a bit of a turnaround day. I went to my boxing session and worked through it and yes it was hard and yes I sweated and yes my arms were sore.

But I loved it the whole time I was there I was not thinking about what I needed to do next. I was focused on seeing how long I could skip without stopping, I was focused on how many push ups I could do, I was focused on how many times I could punch the bag without stopping and I was focused on how many sit ups I could do without stopping. I was in the moment and it was great.

Something was happening within me and it was like I was being refreshed and awakened.

For the month of January I want to talk about Changes.

I will be sharing what Changes I am going to make for this year 2016.

Join me for the journey.

Will share more soon.

There are only 2 more days left of 2015 and I have been reflecting on this year.

I think that everyone has that moment of what did I do in 2015 and what will 2016 look like for me?

What did my 2015 look like?

I really focused on my work as a school Chaplain and worked full time at four different schools.

I love my job and I love what I get to do.  I love the diversity of my days.

I have been able to do a lot of amazing things and also I love the people that I am able to journey with.

I have an amazing friend and mentor who has helped me with goals for myself. I love just chatting with her and catching up with her. I love catching up with people who are inspiring and encouraging.

What I would have liked to have done more in 2015? I would like to have travelled more.

I really did enjoy going to Margaret River and meeting amazing women.

I know for 2016 I would love to find that work, life balance and be okay about it.

My friend Amanda Viviers has a fantastic group of questions that she asks herself and I have been doing them for the past 3 years.

So if you find yourself wondering what you are going to do in 2016 please find the link for my friend’s page.

I will be working on my questions New Year’s Eve and completing them on New Year’s Day and I love this time of year.

I love the first day of the New Year, It feels like a new notebook that needs to be filled with adventures, pictures, words and experiences.

Will share more soon.

I asked Santa for a boyfriend for Christmas and drum roll please …………………… I didn’t get one. Its okay, I am okay about it (for now).

But it has made me think about being single and being over 40.

I have been reflecting on being single for the last few months. I was talking to my friend and mentor and she said where are all the single Christian over 40’s men?

I replied I don’t know?

So it got me thinking where are all the single Christian men over 40, where are they?

My challenge for January 2016 is to go out more.

My challenge is to try new things.

My challenge is also to say yes to opportunities.

My challenge is also just to enjoy my life.

So I have taken one very scary step, mmmh maybe that is exaggerating let me start again. So I have joined an internet dating site for 3 months. I am just going to try it and to see what happens. (I am being vulnerable here once again).

I love my life, but what I would like now is to be able to share my life with someone.

So the new adventure begins.

I am going to be brave, I am going to take a deep breath and then I am going to see what happens.

Do you every have those moments and days when you feel unworthy? Where you feel like you have stuffed up and that you should just give up?

Have you ever felt that you have let yourself down?

This is how I have been feeling the last few days.

I am being very vulnerable here.

There are times in my life when I have not been happy at all with myself. There are times when I don’t like my behaviour.

I am finding out that I am very hard on myself.

The other night I went out and was enjoying myself way too much and probably drank a little more then I should have.  Yes there I said it. I don’t go out that much really.

I was enjoying myself.

Most people would go it’s okay, my lovely friend and mentor, said to me once that I need to let go sometimes. She would probably be laughing right now.

But for me I am mortified, I feel condemned, I feel at the moment that I am unworthy. Also I am thinking that I should never go out and have fun again.

Wow that is dramatic.

So what do you do when you are feeling down about yourself and having anxiety and catastrophizing about the event? What do you do with all the what ifs?

I think that we need to be gently on ourselves, forgive ourselves and learn from the experience.

We need to laugh we are human and we do crazy things.

We can talk to someone about it and if you need to seek professional help.

Nobody is perfect, I think that this is more from me.

We need to pray and then know that God has already forgiven us.

We just need to let go.

You are not unworthy you are worthy.